yapping.
I was thinking about how the other day my coworker had her boyfriend-not-boyfriend pop into work (mind you, they met because he was a customer) and how much of an ass he kinda was. He didn't do anything in particular to peeve me, but it was more of the way he spoke to her that really rubbed me the wrong way. For example, he had been in and out of the store all day (annoyingly) and during the end of the day he had come in. When my other coworker teasingly asked him if he had come to spend time with her (since her shift ended) he simply said "No.". This isn't necessarily a big deal on it's own, but it was more of the way he said it, like coming just to see her would be chore that he was genuinely just too high and mighty for. At the end of the day, they had left together, but it sort of made me think of how people stay in relationships with insufferable people to starve off the feeling of loneliness.
I can't say that I'm not a victim to this too, as I have been. I think it's just interesting how we'd do anything to feel needed and wanted by somebody else, even if that means putting yourself into a room naked with a hungry lion.
On another note though, I happen to know a guy who has entered himself into a... really fucking strange situation? . I would like to clarify for the council before I tell this story, that I'm not friends with this guy, and you can infer my relationship to this guy using your noggin. He recently broke up with his girlfriend) I'm saying recently as in the past month or so (and I discovered that during that time that he was talking to another girl (W) WHILE still with his girlfriend (L) at the time. He ended up breaking up with L and remaining with W. But here's the thing (other than the cheating shtick) W lives overseas, and she has a whole ass CHILD. Mind you, GUY is more emotionally immature than Spongebob and has like 5 bucks to his name. While questioning Guy how he was going to make this entire thing work, he told me, with great gusto: "I'm allowed to date and fuck other women while W can't, W can only date other women." And W just???? AGREED? It should be noted, that I did NOT ask Guy that. If you refer to the previous sentences I asked guy how he would make the relationship work , but like I said, Guy is an idiot. Then I went on to ask W what if she found another man and Guy jumps in saying: "She won't, tell 'em" and W just agrees once again... At this point, I'm questioning W's mental health and questioning whether I should call for a wellness check. But, the point of me telling this entire story is that it reminds me of how a lot of men view women. If you couldn't deduce, I don't agree with Guy's perspective, and Guy is an idiot. I hope she finds another guy she wants to date, and I wish her child ends up growing up happy and healthy because they definitely will NOT if Guy is there.
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning before my shift I go through a series of dilemmas. First of all, the main question: do I even really want to go to work? And typically, the answer is fuck no I don't want to go to work, who the fuck wants to go to work? I once knew a guy, he used to work at my job (but he went onto bigger and greater things, such as making 200k a year at 18) who would work, work and work, and the icing on the cake? He worked. This man never took a day off, ever but to be fair, this was the same man who told me to go to a club if I wanted to find someone to get into a serious relationship with . I don't really know how he functioned like that. I know that some people prefer to be busy, they find it easier that way, always running running from their problems praying that they'll never collapse so they will never face them. For me, I would find that kind of lifestyle very difficult, as I knew from birth I was meant to be a nepo baby and that working constantly is too much work. I simply am too lazy to run from my problems and I'm often faced with the reality of them while sitting on my ass.
But, this is beside the point. The second series of dilemmas is that I want and need money in order to fund my lifestyle, therefore, the only logical conclusion is to get my flat ass up and mosey on down to work. Though, I do wish people would be more kind to retail workers, or workers in general I suppose. I would say working customer service is like the story of Abel and Cain where the worker is Abel and the customer is Cain. In this situation God (big corpo) is unempathetic towards Abel's suffering and simply tells him that C(ustomer)ain is always right. But honestly, it's like everyone is so unbelievably entitled it's absurd that they live this way. The willpower I have to hold back from screaming in their faces or killing myself infront of them is immense.
Either way, I've been working customer service for approximately 3 years now. While that isn't as much as the majority of society, it's enough for me. I want you to know, dear Reader, if you even exist (which if you do, I'd be questioning how you found my site on your own), don't go into a store when it's 10 minutes from closing dear God please. If you have any semblance of humanity I beg you to have mercy on the poor workers.
Anyway, closing points. Work wasn't necessarily bad today. I tend to get bored, in a very horrible way because you can't do anything about it. I try to do nonograms (fucking love my nonograms) in a small corner of the screen but I'm entirely convinced my manager has seen me do it and will infact fire me anyday over it. Also the work wifi logs... But on the dl I also feel like deep down idgaf about the work wifi logs considering I've googled yaoi on the work wifi... so... I mean, sometimes I have to go into the bathroom to microdose on yuri like it's crack cocaine but that's besides the point.
Also, my little sister told me something private today. I wont be airing it out on here because, like I said, it's private. And even though I don't intend on sending the link to this website to anybody, I can't guarantee someone won't stumble across this. She was concerned about telling me because I'm a very blunt and honest person, but I promised her I would be as soft as I could be even if I wouldn't lie to her. It was kinda crazy, and I didn't say all of what I wanted to say. But also, it wasn't about me getting my thoughts out, it was about me comforting her.
I only really want whats best for her, even if that means biting my tongue in the moment and adapting to the situation at hand.